31 ready-to-use messages
Sympathy Card Messages: What to Write in a Card
Sympathy card messages for the loss of a mother, father, spouse, child, grandparent, friend, coworker or pet, plus religious condolences and how to sign.
Edited by Michael KahnUpdated
Heartfelt
Dear Joanna, I am so sorry about your mom. I will always picture her at the end of your driveway every morning, waving at the school bus as if it carried royalty. She made everyone on that street feel looked after. I am thinking of you and sending all my love. With love, Beth
Dear Paul, I am heartbroken about Marianne. The two of you were a team in everything, from the garden to the Thursday trivia nights you always won. I cannot imagine how quiet the house must feel. I will call on Sunday, and I am bringing soup whether you want it or not. With love, Ruthie
Dear Alicia and Ben, We are so deeply sorry about Theo. We will always remember his laugh at the pool last summer and the way he insisted on being the last one out of the water. We love you both and are here for anything, at any hour. With all our love, Hana and Victor
Dear Sophie, I keep reaching for my phone to text Liz, and then remembering. I know it is a hundred times worse for you. She was the best kind of friend to both of us, and I am so grateful we had her. I love you and I am here. Love, Kat
Dear Tamsin, I am so shocked and so sorry. I do not have the words, and I know there are none that help right now. I am thinking of you constantly, and I will be there on Saturday and every day after that you need me. All my love, Fern
Dear Howard, I am so sorry about Elaine. You cared for her with such patience through these last two years, and everyone who saw it was moved by it. I hope you can rest now, and I hope you know how loved you both are. With deepest sympathy, Gloria
Dear Ines, I am so sorry about Dad. Of all of us, you were the one who sat with him every Sunday, and I want you to know I saw it and I am grateful. I will be home on Thursday, and we can do the hard parts together. Love, Your sister, Clara
Dear Florence, "Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." (Matthew 5:4, KJV) I am praying for you and your family, and for the comfort that verse promises. Albert was a faithful friend to so many of us at church. In Christ, Evelyn
Warm
Dear Kwame, I was so sorry to hear about your father. He taught half our neighborhood to ride a bike, me included, and he never once let go of the seat before we were ready. I hope the stories people share bring you some comfort in the days ahead. With sympathy, Lucas and Jen
Dear Carmen, I am so sorry about your grandmother. I know how close you two were, and I still remember the tamales she sent home with me after your graduation party. She was proud of you every single day. Thinking of you and your whole family. Love, Priya
Dear Matt, I am so sorry about your brother. Danny was the funniest person at every gathering I ever saw him at, and I know he was your first best friend. I am here when you want to talk about him, or when you would rather talk about anything else. Take care of yourself, Andre
Dear Nina, I never had the chance to meet your father, but I could tell from the way you talked about him how much he meant to you. I am so sorry. Please let me know if you need anything, or if you just want company. Thinking of you, Amara
Dear Delgado Family, We were so sorry to learn of Ray's passing. He waved from his porch every evening for the eleven years we have lived across the street, and the block will not feel the same without him. Please let us know if we can help with meals, errands or the yard. With sympathy, Your neighbors, the Brennans
Dear Sam, I am so sorry about Biscuit. Fourteen years is a whole chapter of a life, and she was there for every page of yours. I will miss her greeting me at your door with a sock in her mouth. Love, Marisa
Dear Jonas, I just heard about your mom, and I am so sorry I was not in touch sooner. I have been thinking about you and your family, and about the summer she taught all of us to make pierogi. I would love to take you to lunch whenever you are up for it. With love, Nadia
Dear Marcus, "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds." (Psalm 147:3, KJV) We are holding you and the children in our prayers. With love, The Okonkwo family
Dear Ruth, I am keeping you in my prayers and asking God to give you peace and strength in the days ahead. Sylvia's kindness touched so many lives, mine included. With sympathy, Denise
Dear Leon, I am so sorry about your father. I hope the memories of him, and the people who loved him, keep you company this week. Wishing you peace. Warmly, Jade
Formal
With deepest sympathy for you and your family, and with fond memories of Harold.
Dear Mrs. Abernathy, Please accept my deepest condolences on the loss of your husband. Walter was a gracious man, and I will remember his kindness to me during my first year at the firm. You and your family are in my thoughts. Sincerely, Deborah Feld
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Lindgren, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Erik was my roommate for two years, and he was the one who made the apartment feel like home. He talked about you both all the time. I will miss him very much. With deepest sympathy, Raj Patel
Dear Greg, All of us at the office were so sorry to hear about your mother. Please take all the time you need, and do not worry about anything here. We are thinking of you and your family. With sympathy, The team at Westbrook Engineering
Dear Lorraine, I was sorry to hear of your loss. Your work on the spring audit kept this team afloat, and we are happy to cover for you as long as you need. My door is open when you are ready to come back, and not before. With sympathy, Martin
Dear Hartley family, Please accept our sincere condolences on the loss of Eleanor. She was a valued client and friend of our practice for more than twenty years, and our whole staff will remember her warmth. Our thoughts are with you. Sincerely, Dr. Ana Ruiz and the staff of Lakeside Dental
Short & sweet
I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your family.
Holding you close in my thoughts this week, and in the weeks after.
There are no right words, but I wanted you to know I am here and I am so sorry.
I am so sorry, Mei. I am thinking of you. No need to reply, I just wanted you to know I am here.
Just heard about your grandpa. I am so sorry. I am dropping dinner on your porch tomorrow at 6, no need to come to the door.
Thinking of you on what would have been your mom's birthday. I remember her today too.
Remembering Glen with you today, one year on. He is still missed by so many of us.
In a sympathy card, say you are sorry, use the name of the person who died, and share one memory or quality you admired. Offer specific help if you mean it, then close with “thinking of you” or “with sympathy.” Two to four sentences is enough.
What to write in a sympathy card
Most good sympathy messages have the same four parts, and you can use as few as two of them.
- Acknowledge the loss. “I am so sorry about your father” is direct and kind. You do not need softer words for death, and euphemisms can read as if you are avoiding it.
- Use their name. “I am so sorry about Marianne” tells the family their person is remembered, where “I am sorry for your loss” could be about anyone.
- Share a memory or a quality. One small, specific memory is the part of a sympathy card people keep and reread: a habit, a kindness, something funny they said. If you did not know the person, say something about how the bereaved spoke of them.
- Close with support. “Thinking of you,” “with love,” or a concrete offer, then your name.
Short sympathy messages
For a coworker, an acquaintance, or a card signed by a group, one or two sentences is the right length: “I am so sorry for your loss, and I am thinking of you and your family.” If you knew the person who died, add their name, which takes a short message from polite to personal.
Messages by relationship
A parent. A memory of the parent from your own life, even a small one, tells your friend that their mother or father was seen by other people too. Childhood memories work well here: the car pool, the kitchen, the way they greeted you.
A spouse or partner. Acknowledge the couple, not only the person who died, because the loss is of a shared life. A practical offer helps here, since the surviving partner may now be handling the house, the paperwork and the calls alone.
A child. Keep it short and say the child’s name. Do not try to explain or find meaning in the loss. “We are so deeply sorry about Theo, and we love you” is enough, and a memory of the child, if you have one, is a gift.
A grandparent. Acknowledge the closeness if you know it, since grandparent losses are sometimes treated as expected and minimized.
A coworker or employee. A group card is fine. Keep it warm and simple, and if you are the manager, take work off their mind in writing: “Please take all the time you need” carries weight coming from a boss.
A pet. Write it as you would for any loss. Use the pet’s name and mention one thing about them.
When you did not know the person who died
Write to your friend about their grief rather than about the person. “I never met your father, but I could tell from the way you talked about him how much he meant to you” is honest and warm. You can also write to the family of a friend or colleague who died, telling them what their person meant to you. A card like that can show them a side of their family member they did not see.
Religious and non-religious sympathy messages
Match your words to the family’s beliefs, not your own. If you know they are people of faith, a prayer or a verse is a comfort. These three verses from the King James Version suit a sympathy card:
- “Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)
- “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)
- “The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart.” (Psalm 34:18)
If you do not know their beliefs, or know they are not religious, wish them peace, comfort or strength, and leave heaven and prayer out of it. “I hope the memories of him keep you company” works for anyone.
What not to write
Avoid anything that tries to explain or improve the loss. “Everything happens for a reason,” “at least she is not suffering,” “he lived a long life” and “God needed another angel” can feel like you are asking the family to feel better on your schedule. “They are in a better place” is fine only if you know the family believes it.
Also skip “I know how you feel,” even if you have lost someone similar. Every loss is its own, and comparisons move the attention to you. Do not ask how the person died, and do not mention the cause unless it was a long illness and you want to honor the care the family gave.
“Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but it hands the work back to the grieving person. A specific offer is easier to accept: “I will bring dinner on Tuesday,” “I can take the kids Saturday morning,” “I will mow the lawn this month.”
How to sign a sympathy card
Choose a closing by how close you are:
- Formal or work: With sympathy, With deepest sympathy, Sincerely, With heartfelt condolences
- Friends: Thinking of you, Holding you close, With warm thoughts
- Close friends and family: With love, All my love, Love always
- Religious: In Christ, In His peace, Keeping you in my prayers
Sign with your full name, or with your relationship (“Raj Patel, Erik’s roommate”), if the family might not know who you are. For a couple or family, write all the names.
Texts, emails and online guestbooks
A text is a good first message to a close friend, because it asks nothing of them. Tell them not to reply. An email suits a work relationship when you do not have a home address. An online memorial guestbook is public, so keep it to a memory and a condolence and save anything personal for the card. If you send a text first, a card afterward is still welcome.
When to send a sympathy card
As soon as you hear is ideal, usually within two weeks. A late card is still welcome, and a card weeks or months later can mean more than one in the first days, because by then the casseroles and calls have usually slowed. If you are writing late, say you just heard or simply say you are thinking of them, and leave the apology to one line at most.
A short note on a hard date (the person’s birthday, a holiday, the first anniversary of the death) tells the family that someone else remembers too.
After the card
The family may send a thank-you note for your card, flowers or meal. If you are the one writing those notes after a loss, our funeral and sympathy thank-you wording covers flowers, meals, donations and the people who helped. For something to send with the card, see our sympathy gift ideas.
Common questions
What do you write in a sympathy card?
Say you are sorry, use the name of the person who died, and add one memory or quality you admired. If you mean it, offer one specific kind of help. Close with a line like "thinking of you" or "with sympathy". Two to four sentences is enough.
What is a good short sympathy message?
Something as simple as "I am so sorry for your loss, and I am thinking of you" is right for almost anyone. If you knew the person who died, add their name and one detail you remember.
How do you sign a sympathy card?
Use a closing that matches how close you are. "With sympathy" or "With deepest sympathy" suits a coworker or acquaintance, "Thinking of you" or "Holding you close" suits a friend, and "With love" suits family. Sign your full name if the family might not know you well.
What should you not write in a sympathy card?
Avoid anything that explains or softens the loss, such as "everything happens for a reason", "at least they are not suffering" or "they are in a better place" unless you know the family shares that belief. Skip "I know how you feel", stories about your own losses, and questions about how the person died.
Is it too late to send a sympathy card?
No. A card weeks or months after the funeral is welcome, because by then the cards and calls have usually slowed. Say you just heard, or simply say you are thinking of them, and do not dwell on the delay.
Should I mention the cause of death in a sympathy card?
Generally no. Speak about the person and their life rather than how they died. The exception is a long illness, where acknowledging the care the family gave can be a comfort.
Is it okay to send a sympathy text instead of a card?
A text is a good first message for a close friend, especially in the first days, and it is easier to receive than a call. Follow it with a card if you can. For a coworker, a neighbor or an older relative, a card is the better choice.